There is SO much to write on this subject.
At a first appointment with new patients, I always explain that besides having identified the primary contributing infections that have knocked their health and lives down, it is important to recognize the major components that contribute to total negative load that suppresses their health.
It is never possible to recognize every single facet - our world is to toxic on many levels for that.
Recognizing the biggest ones are the most important, and working with them, modifying them; allows the body to heal.
One of the major contributors that is crucial to be looked at, and if not looked at people tend to stay stuck even if all the other major total load contributors are gone or modified greatly - are the emotional pieces.
Stress - on any level in our bodies, is perceived in terms of psycho-neuro-immunology, as in the caveman days. That is our body's send loads of stress hormones out for responding to the sabertooth tiger that is about to eat us. In terms of our immune system and our nervous systems, we get put into a fight and flight mode (the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system) which also cuts off immune function because the need to survive the danger NOW outweighs the need to have a strong immune system, good resting, digesting etc.
When people are chronically stressed, physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise, their bodies are always trying to respond to that saber-tooth tiger the best they can. This does not pose well for health.
People often modify their lives in many ways to improve what is around them. Especially when I talk to them about what is in the above paragraphs.
It is CRUCIAL they have the time and space to relax back into the parasympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system, so that they are not constantly flooded in stress hormones; so that their body will support itself naturally in terms of the immune system, the ability to sleep, and the ability to digest and regenerate.
Truly we all come from dysfunctional families.
Or if a person is lucky enough; then from a dysfunctional family that has taken their issues consciously on and started to work on the generational dysfunction as a part of the love and commitment to one another and the larger family group as a whole.
If someone is not born into this type of family; if they are in a family that is adaptable enough to be willing to start to do this, again that is a huge blessing.
Additionally; we are either all co-dependent or recovering co-dependents.
I also realize this is simplified, but for the sake of this blog; it gets to the point that many people have many unresolved issues with their families of origin. Without insight most or all of the decisions one makes are directly out of survival mechanisms adopted unconsciously in the dysfunction of one's family of origin. What is more, if they are not conscious of the generational dysfunction of their family of origin, then they likely are surrounded unconsciously by people who are playing out the same issues.
This continues through lives and generations UNTIL a person starts to do their own work, self reflection, and becomes conscious of these issues and how they directly play out in their lives.
In working out of survival mechanisms, the choices and resulting relationships may be harmful however they are a 'familiar' entity.
A part, a huge part of a person's regaining their health, is also exploring the emotional total load they are carrying. This includes looking at their relationships. Often this includes at some point seeing a therapist or working with people who have training and the skills and accountability to help a person down this road.
As someone becomes aware of what supports them and what does not, a shift changes.
Once they can start living this in their lives, a major shift changes.
These things can include making changes in your own behavior and setting limits with people for your own behalf and safety.
Often, within a system of friends or especially of family that is still living from the model of dysfunction, there may be huge objections.
The 'group' either will honor your needs, or they will not. If they do not this is a pretty clear initial indicator that the person or group is not supportive in the way that you need and may in fact be toxic given the dysfunction patterns they are stuck in.
This is always shocking at first. To think the people who you thought loved and supported you the most would turn their backs that easily.
However the reality is that YOU are functioning from a new and healthier reality and by asking for healthy boundaries; it causes some major ripples.
Either the person, spouse, or group you are asking this of is willing to look at your requests - if they are willing to work with you, they also will be secondarily going through change as a result.
Or the fact that what you are asking could cause change scares them and the 'system' so much that they are not willing to support you unless you get back into the system with them.
If you find that they will not support you, all you can do is state your needs for YOU and your dependents. Let them know that you love them and then let go.
In time, they may come back to you or they may not.
If they do not; you will meet and find people who are consciously working through things as you are.
You will find support in those who are committed to exploring in life the ways and whys of how they function to get to a point to be able to choose what ways and whys to keep and which ones are left over defense mechanisms that perhaps were a saving grace getting you through childhood - however are no longer needed and in fact are a hindrance to a emotionally productive & otherwise fulfilling life.
One of the difficult issues here is if the person or group that has turned their backs on you and you need to let go; is family or a spouse.
Our culture and certainly most family's imbue children with a HUGE sense of loyalty & responsibility no matter what; towards their family.
The amount of guilt this can bring up is another added emotional issue, however working through it to get to the other side of emotional health - is well worth while.
Keep in mind that this guilt you are feeling is in response to both lifelong covert and overt messages; brain-washing really; that you will be there for a group of people "no matter what". "Even if that means your health and ultimately your life".
It really is as simple as that.
If the love were mutually unconditional, they may not understand your rhyme or reason, but they would make an attempt to honor your boundaries and not turn their backs.
When it comes to this illness; to be harnessed into a family, a spouse, or group of people who emotionally or otherwise hurt you with no willingness to explore the issues with you - IS handing over your health, and possibly ultimately your life.
The reason; this PIECE of the total load is such a HUGE issue that no matter what we as physicians do with all the other pieces we can help you with, only YOU can free yourself from the emotional chains and wounds that bind you.
These binds are so heavy that if they are not let go or shifted, something that only you can do for yourself, it is a choice that you make to stay in a system in which you choose a huge piece of negative total load to be there constantly. This makes it almost impossible to hold your hand through to the other side of getting to total health, emotional freedom & self love - WITH the people surrounding you who support you and love you unconditionally regardless of their blood relation to you.
I will also add that I have heard to many times from so many providers that women (especially) with various chronic illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and now add in tick borne illnesses/lyme disease and a whole host of other chronic illnesses - professional providers in their 'talks' will all to often say they see that the women who have been sexually violated are the ones who do not get well. The person speaking is usually male. I always cringe. I can also tell you that this is NOT based in reality. Reality is that sexual violation of women (and men) occurs so frequently that it could be correlated with ANYTHING.
The reality is that all people have baggage and unresolved emotional issues and certainly the rate of sexual violations of women and men (do not forget) including rape, incest, molestation - is statistically incredibly high and is thought not to even adequately account for everyone.
So one could say it is the cause of anything, or nothing. Reality - it is part of the emotional negative total load of many many many people, all of which is critical to work through to a place of emotional peace with this and any other emotional load issues.
So cheers to introspection into emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, and any other level of stress or issues that you may have. Resolving them all and finding health and peace on each level, is the key to reducing the total negative load so your body can attain it's natural state of health. While some of this is done in conjunction with your Physician and other health care providers and therapists - some of it is ONLY done and initiated by you. In fact the most important pieces are in your hands to take on, look at and resolve to a place of peace, and then the shifts in health that occur are truly miraculous. What YOU can do, and how YOU can affect your own health, just in these areas alone - is often above and beyond that which any Physician or other provider could do for you. You are incredibly powerful.
Cheers to your ability to heal and your path to health!!